Hi everyone! This week I want to talk about the topic of 年龄焦虑 (aging anxiety). One year ago, it was a difficult time for me to accept turning 30. Like any big life transition, it was a lot to process. Now I’m at peace with this transition and I want to share the experience with you.
As always, hope my writing helps you learn and read more Chinese! English translation and keywords with pinyin are provided below the Chinese writing.
一年以前，当我要过30岁生日时，我不开心，也不想庆祝。
20多岁的时候，我喜欢和朋友们一起，在一个餐厅吃饭。
听大家唱生日快乐，感受很多祝福。
30岁的生日时，我却只想静静地过去。我甚至都不想庆祝。
那时我的心情很低落。我感到时光就这样流逝了，而我没有真正的做到我期望中的自己。
你有这样的经历吗？对自己很高的期待，却实现不了。很着急的那种感觉。
One year ago, when I was about to turn 30, I was unhappy and didn't want to celebrate.
In my twenties, I enjoyed having dinner with friends at a restaurant.
Listening to everyone singing "Happy Birthday" and feeling a lot of blessings.
However, on my 30th birthday, I just wanted it to quietly pass by. I didn't even want to celebrate.
At that time, my mood was very low. I felt like time was slipping away, and I hadn't truly become the person I aspired to be.
Have you ever experienced this? Having high expectations for yourself but being unable to fulfill them. It's that anxious feeling.
我以为30岁时，我会在职场上达到一定的高度，会很自信。
我以为30岁时，我会活得很潇洒，不在乎别人的看法，也不与他人比较。
可现实是， 我发现虽然我的工作做的还可以，但我还没有升职，还没有做到我想象中的优秀。
我不自觉的和以前的朋友比较，觉得有些人做的比我更好，我对自己很失望也很着急。
I thought that by the age of 30, I would have achieved a certain level of success in my career and would be very confident.
I thought that by the age of 30, I would live carefree, not caring about others' opinions and not comparing myself to others.
However, the reality was that I found although my work was decent, I hadn't been promoted, and I hadn't reached the level of excellence I had imagined.
Unconsciously, I compared myself to old friends and felt disappointed and anxious when I saw some people doing better than me.
我以为30岁时，我会有长久的友谊。
可现实是，我失去了一个很要好的朋友，我们10年的友谊突然间就断了。
这让我感到很难过。这个故事你可以看我的这篇文章。
而且由于我换了很多城市生活，和一些朋友也渐渐失去了联系。
I thought that by the age of 30, I would have long-lasting friendships.
However, the reality was that I lost a very close friend, and our 10-year friendship suddenly came to an end.
This made me feel very sad.
You can read about this story in my article linked here.
Additionally, due to moving to many different cities, I gradually lost contact with some friends.
我以为30岁时，我会和我的亲人一起庆祝生日。
可现实是，我的家人在中国，而疫情让我们3年无法相见。
I thought that by the age of 30, I would celebrate birthdays with my family.
However, the reality was that my family was in China, and the pandemic had kept us apart for more than three years.
我很难过逝去的时光无法再重新获得。
我觉得我失去了很多东西，青春，友谊，亲人的陪伴...
那时我觉得，我要变老了。
我很可惜没有在20多岁的时光里去尝试更多。
I was saddened by the fact that the lost time could not be regained.
I felt like I had lost a lot—youth, friendships, the companionship of family.
At that time, I felt like I was getting old.
I regretted not trying more things in my twenties.
但当我跨过30岁的门槛，这种感觉就一点点的消失了。
我看了其他人分享的视频，讲他们对于年龄的焦虑。
我知道我不是一个人。
我意识到我对自己的要求过于苛刻。
我应该对自己更有耐心，像鼓励我的朋友那样。
But as I crossed the threshold of 30, that feeling slowly disappeared.
I watched videos shared by others, talking about their anxiety regarding age.
I realized that I was not alone.
I became aware that I had been too hard on myself.
I should be more patient with myself, just like how I encourage my friends.
我开始畅想如何度过下一个十年。
我更加相信自己的能力和判断。我可以放手追求自己真正想做的事情。
我更加珍惜和父母在一起的时光，积极的安排假期回国陪他们。
我去参加活动，认识新朋友，努力建立新的友谊。
我开始接受我的年龄，活在当下。
I begin to imagine how to spend the next decade.
I have more faith in my abilities and judgment. I can let go and pursue what I truly want to do.
I cherish the time spent with my parents, actively planning holidays to go back and spend time with them.
I attend events, make new friends, and strive to build new friendships.
I am starting to accept my age and live in the present.
你呢？你曾经为了年龄而焦虑吗？和我分享你的故事。
And you? Have you ever felt anxious about age? Share your story with me.
Key Words年龄焦虑 (niánlíng jiāolǜ) - aging anxiety
庆祝生日 (qìngzhù shēngrì) - celebrate birthday
祝福 (zhùfú) - blessings
升职 (shēngzhí) - promotion
失去联系 (shīqù liánxì) - lose contact
逝去的时光 (shìqù de shíguāng) - lost time
活在当下 (huó zài dāngxià) - live in the present
A song about Time, written by the English songwriter Sandy Denny and made famous in North America by Judy Collins.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJeLguRecYc
Across the evening sky
All the birds are leaving
But how can they know
It's time for them to go?
Before the winter fire
I will still be dreaming
I have no thought of time
For who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?
Sad, deserted shore
Your fickle friends are leaving
Ah, but then you know
It's time for them to go
But I will still be here
I have no thought of leaving
I do not count the time
For who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?
And I am not alone
While my love is near me
I know it will be so
Until it's time to go
So come the storms of winter
And then the birds in spring again
I have no fear of time
For who knows how my love grows?
And who knows where the time goes?
I feel this way too sometimes, but I also sometimes think of it as a fun little challenge to solve. Like: "Wow, another year that didn't go exactly how I planned, I really better figure it out next year!" And it's at least a little fun during the first half of the year to try and tackle some of the problems I noticed while I still have inspiration.